Feb 4, 2009

Lesbian Birthday Party

A few years ago, Hotness and I were invited to a friend's mother's 60th birthday party.

It was more Hotness's friend than mine, as it was somebody she went to school with and has kept in touch with over the years. I'd only met her once before, so I guess really we were just more-or-less aquaintances.

So anway, one day we get a invitation in the mail and Hotness says, "Honey, would you like to go to Sue's* birthday party?"
Me: "Who's Sue?"
Hotness: "You remember. Anne's mom. You met her that one time we got together for Easter and dyed eggs together."
Me: "Um.... oh yeah. I guess. When is it?"
Hotness: "Her birthday is in three weeks. We don't have anything planned. Shall I say we'll be there?"
Me: "Uh, yeah. I guess so. Hey, isn't Anne's mom a lesbian?"
Hotness: "Yeah, she is. Now do you remember her?"
Me: "Oh yeah...."

And that's when it occurred to me:
A birthday party with lot's of women. I mean lot's of LESBIAN women.
So in my mind I'm thinking this is going to be fun.

Don't get the wrong idea, I wasn't looking to trade up and ditch Hotness or anything, but the prosepect of hot, girl-on-girl action and being only one of very few guys invited... Heck! How could I have not wanted to go?
Plus there's gonna be cake! So what's not to like?
It's a win - win situation in my book.

For three weeks I'm thinking about what it's going to be like.
And I'm reminding Hotness that we're going to a "lesbian birthday party", so I'll have to protect her from their wily, lesbionic ways.
She just laughs at me and says, "Yeah, whatever."

So now it's Saturday. The day of the party and I'm thinking:

But when we get inside, it ain't nothing of the sort.

Oh, there's lesbians all right. And lots of 'em.
But this was a 60th birthday party, so all of them are old enough to be my mom. Or worse, my grandmother.

Yup! There were butch haircuts, 'mom jeans', and plaid. Oh there was so much plaid. As far as the eye could see!
Nowhere to be seen was the soft, firm skin of young women. But instead there was grey hair, wrinkles and cardigans.

I'm thinking it was going to be this:

but instead I got this:

Welcome to Disappoinment City.
Population: Me

* Actual names have been changed. What? you think I'm an idiot or something?

2 things people had to say:

Elwood said...

HAHA! Remind me to invite you to a Storm game sometime. Talk about being in a crowd of uggo-sappho...

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